Foster care & The holidays

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​For many people, the holidays are a special time that is filled with decorating, celebrating, giving and receiving - and maybe eating WAY too many treats along the way. We associate this season with warm memories, exciting events, extra quality time and family traditions.

​But for children in foster care, this time of year can feel lonely and call attention to their current lack of normalcy...

For some children, the holidays may bring back positive memories of time spent with their biological parents and siblings. They are reminded of their family traditions, holiday outings, their home, and special gifts they received. Despite the reasons they ended up in foster care in the first place, the child could still long for this quality time spent with their biological family and feel lonely or worried without them. And celebrating with their foster family could make the child experience feelings of stress, guilt or betrayal.

For other children in care, their memories of the holidays aren’t as fond. Maybe they never received any Christmas presents, and went without any special love or attention. Maybe they experienced something especially traumatic this time last year, that stirs up feelings of anxiety and makes them feel unsafe. Or maybe their biological family simply didn’t celebrate, and the child is unfamiliar and uncomfortable with their new foster family’s traditions. 

Sarah, foster mom in Houston (*names have been changed for privacy) said, “I could see Amanda’s face as we decorated the tree with lots of memories from the time I’ve had Ava (foster sibling), but nothing of hers. So I’ve tried to make it special for her since it’s her first Christmas home… I got the kids stockings, and Amanda a few of her own ornaments to give their special place. I think not having any real traditions, and mixed emotions, creates a lot of feelings that are hard for our kids to process.”

This time of year can become more difficult for caregivers as well. Parents are navigating the busy holidays, changes in family schedules, events for school, work and family. Adding in the additional responsibilities that come with fostering, such as case worker visits, meetups with the biological family, court dates, and other mandatory appointments, this time can become overwhelming. In addition, they may have to navigate increases in their child’s challenging behaviors and emotional stress brought about by this time of year, while also sorting through their own emotions. Foster mom, Savannah, says she would struggle with thoughts of, “what if this is my only Christmas with them?” and “what must their families be feeling right now?"

So how can you be there for a foster family or child in foster care this holiday season? Here are a few small but meaningful gestures:

• Help fulfill some of the kids’ Christmas wishes, and offer to help wrap presents
• Drop off a cup of coffee for mom or dad, or offer to run an errand for them while you’re already out
• ​Support the children at their holiday performances and activities at school
• Bring over a fun craft, like ingredients to bake and decorate cookies, or a gingerbread kit that the children can work on and creatively express themselves
• Offer to prepare snacks for the kids to bring to their school parties
• ​Drop off a home-cooked meal ahead of dinnertime

Raising a child takes a village, especially when the child comes from a hard place. Not everyone is called to foster or adopt a child, but there are so many ways to support the people who do. To find out more about Houston Angels and how you can help support the foster care community, please visit www.houangels.org.