A biological child’s perspective of growing up and living in a foster care certified home

Hi everyone! My name is Kelsey Karr. I am a current intern with the Houston Angels, a Texas A&M University graduate, and now a Baylor doctoral occupational therapy student nearing very close to graduation. In addition to having these roles, I also have some roles/background within the foster care system. So, let’s get into it. 

My Family, Our Journey

Growing up, I was raised by a single biological mother (she’s a superstar) alongside my two biological siblings. I am the oldest, but my sister and brother aren’t far behind me in age. Our journey as a family as part of the foster care community began in middle/late 2016. One of our family friends in town was fostering a sibling set, and she told my mom that she thinks we would really like fostering kids. So, we looked more into it and started the process of becoming a foster to adopt home. 

​(This is my family! From left to right: Katelyn is my biological sister and is 17 months younger than me. Then you have my husband Brennan and I. Next is my biological mother Kelli, and the final person is my little brother Bradley who is 3 years younger than me.)

Becoming Foster-to-Adopt Certified Home, how’d we do it?

For anyone thinking about becoming a certified foster home or foster-to-adopt home, the process looks very daunting and long and complicated. I personally would say that it definitely can be daunting, but if you are organized and know where to go for resources, it does not have to be.

In Texas, here are the main/major steps in becoming a foster/adoptive parent:

• Information Meetings: At this meeting, you discuss the scope and requirements of being a foster or adoptive parent. Meetings are held at different locations in your area, or at the DFPS office. 
  • Requirements for Foster/Adoptive Families
  • Finding a Meeting:
• Preparation and Selection: If you meet the basic requirements for fostering/adopting, you can meet with DFPS staff to learn more about fostering/adopting, and the children who come into the foster care system.
• Training: You will attend training (PRIDE) to learn more about the children available through DFPS and you assess your strengths in parenting. This training really makes sure you understand your commitment you are taking, and ensures you are ready to take children into your home.
  • PRIDE - Parent Resource Information Development Education - it is a 35 hour competency based training program; covers topics such as child attachment, loss and grief, discipline and behavior intervention, effects of abuse and neglect, sexual abuse, working with the child welfare system, and the effects of fostering and adopting on the family.
  • In addition to the PRIDE training, prospective foster and adoptive families must complete training and certificates in universal precautions, psychotropic medications, first aid, and CPR.
  • Even after becoming a certified foster parent, you will participate in 20-30 hours of training.
• Family Home Study: A caseworker will visit you in your home. The purpose of the home study is to discuss your personal history, family interests and lifestyle, childcare experiences, the types of children you think are the best fit your home, and assessing your strengths/skills in meeting the children's needs.
  

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That’s the major stuff friends. That is the major steps to becoming foster certified or adoption certified in the state of Texas. Now my mom went through ALL of that. As a “child” in the home, my process was not as extensive. I have memories of us all going and getting fingerprinted together, taking CPR together, making fire escape maps with our markers and hanging it on the wall. One of the major memories I have of the process was the home-study. The CPS worker came in, interviewed us one by one, and got to know us. I remember being so scared and nervous about it all, but then it happened and it was totally fine! While the steps to become a foster parent can seem daunting and time-consuming for everyone involved, you can do them as a family and it makes it SO fun. 
So, now we will fast-forward a little to February 2017. We got the call that we were officially approved and certified as a Foster-to-Adopt Home! We thought it would take a while to get a placement, but boy were we wrong!! 

A Certified Home to The First Placement- Our INSTANT Start

We got the call that we were certified to start fostering…and within TWO HOURS we got a call -  

“Hi we have a potential placement for you, they need somewhere immediately, it’s a newborn.
​Do you want to take it?"

WHAAATT!! We were shocked. We thought it would be at least a week or two. But nope. Now let me tell you a little about calls for placement - you get little to no detail sometimes. We knew NOTHING about this baby’s situation, why she was brought into care, nothing. We just knew it was a baby that needed a place to go. Foster care is taking a jump, trusting in yourself and your worker, and saying YES. Needless to say, we said yes. Within an hour or so we had a beautiful baby girl dropped off on our doorstep.

(Picture: This is me in 2017, with our very first placement. This was the beginning of an obsession with all of our little babies)
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We had this sweet little one for a while, and we fell head over heels in love with her. She was just the start of our fostering journey though! Over the course of several years (2017 to now), my mom and our family has had 13 kids come through our home. All of their stories are different, and all of them impacted our family very differently as well. I wasn’t prepared as a biological child in a foster home for how connected and attached I would get to the kids in our home. I think I cried after every single one left our home, because I loved them each so much, and it didn’t matter if they were at our house for one day, one year, or longer. 

Now just so you are aware - the goal of foster care is ALWAYS family reunification, ALWAYS. So, I knew when those sweet babies came into our home, that it wasn’t going to be forever. Out of the 13 kids we have had in our home, some of them did go home (YAY). That first sweet little angel you saw in the picture, yep she went home to her parents. Some of our placements got adopted by new families, some went to other foster homes, each one with their own journey and story. Being a foster certified home is bittersweet. You sacrifice for the kids in your home, you love and care for them, protect them, advocate for them, and then have to say goodbye. While the goodbyes are hard, you know ultimately you are making a difference and are doing what is right for the kids.

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The One That Never Left

Remember how I said I got super duper attached to all of our babies we got placed with? Well the story is no different with the one that never left. We got placed with a 5 week old newborn baby girl, and instantly loved her. After two years of being placed in our home as a child in the foster care system, her parent’s rights were taken away/signed away, and she became eligible for adoption. Needless to say when they asked us if we wanted to adopt her, it was an instant yes. Ever heard of Gotcha Day? Well we just celebrated her 2nd Gotcha Day, aka her second year anniversary of the day she was adopted and became Kendall Skye Payne.
So, here’s my newest little sister:

Fostering and The Impact it Has On Me Now

​Fostering children greatly impacted my childhood in such a positive way. I am SO grateful for the decision we made as a family to foster kids. Not only because of the difference we made in their lives, but also because it has taught me SO much and impacted my life as an adult as well. 

When we had those babies in our home, I was like a little mom to them. My mom works full time, so a lot of times I held a lot of roles in the home. I was the “Certified Babysitter/Caregiver” when my mom wasn’t there, and so needless to say I got SO much childcare experience. The littles called me “mama kelsey”. 

Loving and providing a safe space for those babies was everything to me. Now, I know without a doubt that I am SO ready to be a mom myself, whether that be with biological children or kiddos in the foster care system. Not only has fostering kids confirmed that I want to be a mother, but it also has taught me SO many important lessons that are applicable for my life as an adult. I know how to manage really hard situations. I am a killer at time management because I juggled life as a high school student fostering kids on top of transporting kids to appointments and visits and everything else they needed to be at. I learned how important kindness is and how although love hurts sometimes, it is worth it. Fostering kiddos brought my biological family closer together. This wild journey we went through, made us rely on each other more and we have had more and more communication and love for each other.
That’s my story. That’s our story. & That's how God blessed me with another sister.